Woman's Intuition: NFL Week 6
SPORTS COLUMN by Dave Tramonte

I must apologize to my three loyal readers because my heart has not been in the NFL previews this season. Though the Jets are currently undefeated, the rest of the league has been such an amalgamation of competitive years past. Good teams are bad and bad teams are average and worse yet, the Patriots continue to win without dominating.

The point though is that the lack of competition and an exciting end to baseball has made me fail to pay enough attention to the season. And that's why my lady friend, four out of five weeks, has beaten me at picking the right team against the spread. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

After going 4-1, head-to-head, against my lady friend last week, I thought I had it won by the 1 o-clock. Then the afternoon games rolled around and I lost all four head-to-head matchups. Final score was lady friend's 5 to my 4.

Thinking I could tie it up on Monday night, I took the Packers. Final score: lady friend 6-4.

Now I feel like Rocky holding a dead Apollo Creed in his hands and starring up at Ivan Drago vowing revenge with his eyes. I intend to beat my lady friend every week during the remainder of the season, and just like Rocky ended the cold war, I hope to bring peace to Iraq with the following picks.

Miami at Buffalo / Line: Bills -6

It sucks that I will probably watch this game just because nothing else is on. I mean, I would watch the ALCS, but since every baseball expert picked the Red Sox to win, I just haven't even bothered to watch a game, since the outcome was such a forgone conclusion. It's true what they say, there's just no intelligent argument to the maxim, "This is their year." You can't beat a team when it's their year. Nope, you just can't.

But this game should be thrilling: a bad coach, a washed-up quarterback, a fifth-string running back, a wide receiver who kicks extra points and the possibility of Ricky Williams' name being mentioned over 100 times by the announcers.

PREDICTION: Buffalo to cover
RESULT: Buffalo covers and I'm 1 for 1

Cincinnati at Cleveland / Line: Cleveland (-3)

So I watched that show "Laguna Beach". It's basically the reality show version of "90210" and I realized that, even though every one of those kids was better-looking, richer and cooler then I was heading into college (and who wasn't, really, considering that I was the only freshmen who wet my bed, even when I wasn't drunk), at least I can beat every one of them up. So, as a lesson to all you prospective parents out there, get your kids a set of dumb bells for his birthday. He'll thank you when he gets to punch a kid from "Laguna Beach" in the face.

PREDICTION: Cincy to win
RESULT: I don't understand how Cleveland wins. 1 for 2

Seattle at New England / Line: New England (-4)

(Voice in head) Never pick against New England because every time you have, you've lost.

(Me) I know, but the Seahawks are good and they might be really fired up after blowing a 17-point lead last week.

(Voice in head) You're an idiot and you need to get your plans for Thanksgiving squared away.

(Me) I'm just so bad at planning. Maybe if I pick the patriots they will finally lose because when I don't pick them they win and I'll just take a hit for the team.

(Voice in head) That's the smartest thing you have said today. And clean your ears for Christ sakes, the last time a q-tip penetrated your ear Shaq and Kobe were still friends.

PREDICTION: New England to cover (wink wink)
RESULT: Didn't work out how I wanted but I got the Win and I'm 2 for 3

San Diego at Atlanta / Line: Atlanta (-5)

Don't be fooled by results because San Diego isn't good.

PREDICTION: Atlanta to win
RESULT: Atlanta won but only by a point and the lady friend scores one over me. 2 for 4

Carolina at Philly / Line: Philly (-9)

So I'm at my internship the other day and this guy says, "Hey, make a copy of this for me." Well I get all flustered and walk over to the machine and don't know what to do. Luckily my boss was walking by and I said, "Hey, Carroll." And she said somewhat sarcastically, "Hey Dave"-I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me. I continue, "Rod wants me to make a copy of this, can you show me how to use the copy machine." And she says, "Yea, no problem, only that's the fax machine." She rolls her eyes and walks over five feet to the gigantic copy machine which conveniently has a sign over it that says "Xerox here."

The point is, Philly is going to make Carolina feel even worse then I did staring at the fax machine.

PREDICTION: Philly to get Illy
RESULT: Big win for Philly and I'm 3 for 5, lady friend is 3 for 5 as well.

Pittsburgh at Dallas / Line: Dallas (-3)

I jumped on the Rothlisberger bandwagon before he was starting, and when he did finally start I thought he looked descent. Well, three wins later and now everyone wants to say they called it. Kind of reminds me of when everyone picked the Red Sox to win this year, only the public may actually be right with this one.

PREDICTION: Steel Town
RESULT: 4 for 6 as Tuna continues to take a tumble

Houston at Tennesee / Line: Tennesee (-6.5)

I never pick a team coming off of Monday night and on principle alone, I can't pick the Titans because last week my lady friend said she picked them because she liked that movie Remember the Titans. Of course she won so maybe there is something to that.

PREDICTION: Remember the Texans
RESULT: Keep on rollin' baby I'm 5 for 7

Washington at Chicago / Line: Chicago (-1)

Why are people surprised that Joe Gibbs goes to NASCAR for nine years and comes back less smart? He can't manage the challenges, the clock or the plays. The running back for whom he traded the best cornerback averages less then three yards a carry and he thought Mark Brunell would be a good quarterback.

PREDICTION: All that still doesn't mean they can't beat the Bears. Call it Washington by a bear hair.
RESULT: They should have won by more but I'm having my best week yet at 6 for 8

Kansas City at Jacksonville / Line: Kansas City (-2)

I want to take all the teams getting points but one, two and three points doesn't exactly guarantee me a victory against a girl. I'm thinking the K.C. offense will beat out the Jacksonville defense and the K.C. defense, as bad as it is, can stop Jacksonville's anemic offense. But I also thought the movie Mean Girls would be bad and now I own it so you never know.

PREDICTION: K.C.
RESULT: Jacksonville continues to amaze me and I'm 6 for 9 because K.C. sucks.

San Francisco at New York Jets / Line: New York (-10)

Will not predict due to personal feelings.

Denver at Oakland / Line: Denver (-1.5)

So I bought Commando for seven dollars the other day and that scene where Matrix (Gov. Arnold) and his daughter (a jail bait Alyssa Milano) are sharing an ice cream cone with a deer almost made me cry. If Denver can't cover a -1.5 I might actually cry. The last time I cried was when I watched Nine Innings from Ground Zero. I cried like a little girl for the entire hour-long documentary.

PREDICTION: Denver
RESULT: Never have a racist drunk as your quarterback cause now I'm 7 for 10 with a big Denver win

Green Bay at Detroit / Line: Detroit (-2)

I'm telling you the odds makers are just messing with our heads. They made the odds so tight because they want us to take Detroit. They must know something we don't. Or maybe they want us to take Green Bay. Or maybe I should just trust my instinct and go with Detroit. But every time I have trusted my instincts before I lose to girl who repeatedly asks, "How much is the field goal worth" and "Damn the Yankees score a lot of points. I thought this was supposed to be the Red Sox year."

PREDICTION: I will quote one of smartest men of our time
(Daniel) Where did all these cars come from?
(Mr. Miyagi) Deee-triot.
RESULT: If only the line was "Where did all this cheese come from," because Green Bay came through with the win and I go 7 for 11. Lady friend comes in at 6 for 11 and I rub it in her face.

Minnesota at New Orleans / Line: Minnesota (-3.5)

Did Randy Moss die and I missed it? How are the Vikings only -3.5 in a dome and against the f'n Saints? Speaking of deaths, did you hear former MVP Ken Caminiti died? He admitted to using steroids and, even though the autopsy points to a crack overdose, I would be remiss not to say that steroids kill. These are the following pro wrestlers who have died in their mid 40's, all of whom had to have taken steroids at one point: Mr. Perfect, Rick Rude, Big Bossman, Road Warrior Hawk, Skip, Rad Radford, British Bulldog, Hercules and though its not clarified, the Macho Midget. So with all that said maybe there is an outside chance Bonds won't make it to breaking the record?

PREDICTION: Vikings by a lot.
RESULT: 8 for 12 is my best week yet and, unfortunately for lady friend, her theory of picking the better uniform has failed her as she goes 7 for 12.

You can e-mail Dave with any fan mail regarding his awesome picks to Tramonte18@aol.com. He does not do personal appearances. E-mail any hate mail or suggestions to Howard Megdal.

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