The Outside World

Once upon a time, there was this man and he was crazy like that. He sat on his couch all day, thinking about thinking. He would do that and eat and go to the bathroom. One day he was hit with a rock. The rock made him think about it. You see, when this man - oh shoot I did not tell you his name! - was sitting at home doing nothing some punk kid named mad jack through a rock through his tinted window ( this man was so lazy that he had his windows tinted so he did not have to sweat from the sun coming it through the window). Shall I tell you this mans name? - was so angry at this that he went to wal-mart and got a shotgun. Along with that he got some advice on how to choose a thoughtful, beautiful, reasonably priced floral arrangement from the helpful people there. This guy finally got home. He took out his shotgun and found some bullets in his kitchen. He then did what he had to do. He took the gun in pensive rage and cocked it. He was ready. At the count of three he shot his refrigerator. The refrigerator moaned. The guy ran away in terror. He came back 10 minutes later. The only thing that was working on the poor refrigerator was his indoor convience light. It was flashing like a ghetto strobe light. It was saying "Why did you do this to me?" in refrigiratallian. Refrigerator let it ride and threw up some weird fluid that that dude had never seen. He regretted that he had shot refrigerator. Refrigerator's time was through though. That man had wished he could change that. He wished he could do magic like Harry potter- he had been reading it like religious walkabouts! He wished he was a genie like in the blockbuster smash, "Kazam."

Suddenly, Shaq came through the window. HE was wearing some L.A. Laker gear, because he is worth millions, and it takes millions of feet of fabric to clothe the giant maniac. The guy asked Shaq what to do. Shaq said to "drink Pepsi" The other man said "what?!?!?!?!?" Shaq later replied: "okay, wear Rebok."

Once upon a time, there was this mean old man that lived upon the sea (shore).

He ran a fisherman business. Several times his name was mentioned in "Forbes" "Magazine" as being a rich person. When he first became noticed, it was during the grunge alternative rock era, so people did not mind that he was oh so dear and dirty. The reason why he is mean is because people constantly try to mess with him. Just because he is a dirty fishmonger-orman, people think they can throw dirt on his name. One time the fisherman fell in love with a hippie. He smelled like fish and so did she, only she smelled like a different kind of fish: soy fish.

There once was Andrew. Andrew was hanging out with the homeboys at White Castle one day like usual. Him and his "homeboys always hung out at either White Castle or the Orange Julius. When they where talking over burgers and sodas, a girl named" Lulu was brought up. One of Andrews friends named Dominican Robert said that she 'Really sucked". The rest of Andrew's friends agreed with him. Andrew just could not believe that, so he decided to meet this "Lulu". When he met her, Andrew did not believe what the big fuss was about because he believed that she was a nice person. After their first encounter, they arranged a convent time for each other and hung out. But, when Lulu saw how Andrew hung, he discovered that she sucked in a way he could have never imagined.

In '88 there was a giant lizard that swept the streets of Harlem. It was named "Great Sausage". "Great Sausage" was a big time Penny Marshall fan. It even liked some of the K-Mart commercials that she did. But what Great Sausage liked the most was A League of Their Own and Lavern and Shirley. When Great Sausage took to the streets, he was labeled a menace, but in the 60's, he was friends with Jimbo Morrison. And, all of my friends from Harlem, they always ask me about this guy. I don't tell them a damn thing. Well, anyway, Sausage had found love in '87 when he was racing cars. He met a special someone named "Diane". When Great sausage Russ was not racing cars he was with her. Diane was a high school student, soon to head off to college. She had to go away to school. Her parents demanded that she do it, and she was ready to leave everything but her lizard friend. Great Sausage also knew that he wouldn't be his small five foot eight size for long. He was fated to grow to be 87 feet. Then that hooker died.